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I talked to Lazarus
2002-09-05 ::: 2:27 p.m.
You must know Lazarus. He was the one raised from the dead. I talked to him yesterday, and he told me a secret. I had been in my flat staring at the wall, that's what I've been reduced to with this new medication, and he walked through the door and nodded to me. I just stared at him. He put his hand up and said, "I have come to open your eyes a little further." He then proceeded to tell me how death works."If you think about death, your life will slowly slowly slip from your fingers and trickle down you hand onto the dirty ground beneath you. Try this. Tonight, right before you are ready to go to bed, sit on the floor and try hard to think of living, breathing, and not dying. As surely as I'm standing here, you will feel your life slowly wane to nothing. Then, when you believe yourself to be dead, focus all of your energy on the thought of death. Do this and you will be free." With that, he turned and walked back out the door. I returned to staring lifelessly at the wall, but thought long and hard about what he had said. Had life just been revealed to me? Around 11:00 I was just about to crawl into bed when I remembered what Lazarus had told me. I sat on the floor, rested my head against my bed, and closed my eyes. I concentrated on living, actually telling my heart to beat, telling my lungs to breath. I noticed that it got progressively colder and my body was functioning more and more irradically. My heart began skipping beats, and my lungs began fighting for each breath. I continued my thought patterns, focusing them on living. Suddenly, my insides were quiet and my eyes refused to open. My mind was trapped in a lifeless body. I panicked, struggling desperately to get my organs to function again, but to no avail. I screamed in terror, but not a sound escaped. I could feel the cold creeping into my brain. I could feel the very life of my brain slowly and sluggishly leaving. It was then that I remembered the second half of what he said. I focused all of my remaining power and energy onto the one thought. Death. I'm dying, and I am soon to be embraced by death. I thought of all the thousands of people dying at that very moment. I thought of all the horrible deaths they were experiencing. I thought of a cold and lifeless me lying six feet beneath the soft damp soil. I thought of everything I could relating to death, fire, war, flood, famine... and all the poor and helpless people thousands of miles around the globe who faced these threats every day while I sat in a comfortable chair and could afford to stare at walls and take medication.... I began to weep uncontrollably. I opened my eyes and realized I was no longer dead, but quite alive, and very exhausted. I picked up my broken body and flung it onto my warm bed, and fell into a deep deep sleep. I awoke the next morning feeling more alive than ever. I ate breakfast with a smile, took my pills thankfully and looked out the window. The streets were still bathed in the blood of a thousand lonely souls, but it was a brighter happier red than before. I sat down and returned to my wall. About 15 minutes into my bout, the door opened and in walked Lazarus. I smiled at him and he just looked deep into my eyes. "You did it, didn't you?" he asked. "yes, indeed" I replied. "You've seen it all. And you understand. Now, do this once daily, as it will bury the past."
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